Death Club

I’m a writer and sometimes I do not get to choose the topic or subject that I end up writing about. Most artists/writers/painters/hairdressers, often say that their work is actually just channeled from a spirit or passion outside or within themselves. Today, my passionate spirit tells me that I am going to write about death.
Damn. I’ve been the “lucky” conduit of sentences and thoughts relating to this subject before. When one of my best of friends, Dennis, died in a car accident five years ago, I wrote a whole fictionalized tale about the incident. What was finally written (#catharsis) was a story about the guilt and loss one feels when loosing someone close who was so young. Because of my loss and with this story I realized my membership into the Death Club. The Death Club is the club that you think you can be a part of but never really are until you loose a close friend or family member. You may know what to say when someone else dies--someone not close to you. You may know how to do the right things, like listen to, comfort, or cook for the people “left behind.” But you will still be the same person you were, and will continue to be until you officially become a member of the Death Club.
When someone dies young or untimely or brutally, it changes the people close to them. For my own loss already mentioned, it got me to thinking that I should have been nicer to Dennis. Listened more. Cherished our relationship more. Before his accident, he had broken his leg, and gained weight and felt lethargic and unhappy. I was his buddy but I kept up my pace, go-go-go, of which he had previously been a part of and no longer could or wanted to. On the night of the accident, we were talking back and forth while he was driving from San Francisco to Palm Springs. I knew he was tired and I knew he probably had a glass of wine with dinner. And I knew he sounded bummed out but both of us always tried to stay “upbeat;” meaning: we hardly talked about what was really up with us. It was only minutes after I talked to him that he swerved into the guardrail and was instantly killed. (No one else was hurt.)
I have not been the same person every since that accident. I hear Dennis in my head telling me to keep writing. Dennis was always my biggest cheerleader and he always wanted me to write about him and our adventures—and I have and I do hope one day to publish those stories. Nowadays, I may be a little bit of a “go-go-guy,” but I don’t distract myself with the silly things that used to jeopardize my goals. And I always try to listen to the writing that is trying to channel through me. I would not be as good or diligent a writer without Dennis, nor without the Death Club.
What brought this subject to mind on this day? #1 Last February, my fourteen year old niece became a member of the Death Club. He beloved friend, Aly, and Aly’s mother were murdered by a mentally unstable ex-spouse.
#2 My friend Mark was murdered in his own Arizona apartment in a few nights ago.
Both of these deaths have linked me to my niece and Mark’s friends and family. I know what they are going through. And I know what the days ahead are going to be like.
Yes, I know what to say to the one’s left behind. And they know I will be here for them. But, more importantly, I know that they will never be the same person they were before their friends were taken. It’s a terrible club to be a part of, but one that we may all have to unwillingly join one day. We have to make what we make with this membership. I write.
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The Savings is lost on me. But Save yourself.

I am declaring, right here and now, that I will probably never join your rewards program. I will not sign up to receive your discounts. And I cannot fathom even thinking about clicking on anything to get the coupon deal, even if it could save me 50% or more on my next meal at my favorite restaurant or store.
The other day when I was doing my friend and client Kim's hair, she told me to go to Groupon.com and get the $100 for $50 "daily special" for one of my Chicago restaurants, Elate. Well, I have always recommended Groupon to my clients and I love the restaurant at Hotel Felix, Elate. So I told all my other clients about it the rest of the day. I'm just one of those guys/hairdressers that likes to, not only run your life by telling you how you should look, but I like to help you in your day-to-day life as well. This is probably a damaged-ego thing, but I feel it's in the "helpful symbiotic" category and it makes both me and my clients happy.

Anyway, on my way home from "helping" people at work, I stopped at a CVS to get a packet of adult bed wetting pads and noticed that there were two prices on the shelf-marker. One for CVS members and one for non-members. Then I remembered why I did not like to shop at CVS. I had to carry yet another membership card, sign up with my email address so they could hound me, or worse, send me paper shit at home.

The whole reason I was getting the damned wet-the-bed pads was because my room-mate and I have little dogs and we know that the adult pads are cheaper than buying the actual dog wee-wee pads. [See, there I go again, passing on useful information. I can't stop! You're welcome.] But at CVS they have to rub it in my face that I will LOOSE money if I don't join their stupid club or rewards program; of which I will forget to activate online, or I'll forget the actual activated membership card at home when I go to purchase my next packet of adult bed wetting pads. It's not enough that anyone in line thinks I'm incontinent. I have to feel like I'm stupid for forgetting the coupon or card. Or I have to feel like I'm loosing money and maybe I'm just too lazy to save it.

From now on, F-U: Ace Rewards and Best Buy and DSW. Screw-you to every restaurant that gives me those tree-wasting hole punch cards. And ptew-ptew on you Groupon.com and firstgiveing.com. I'm done with you and your complicated savings. I'm paying full price and I will have more time and less money and I'm gonna live my life, god-damn-it!
But I will totally recommend you to all my friends and clients. There are some very good deals out there. Ya'll should know about them.

Soooo, after I got home from Walgreen's with my dogs' cheaper wee-wee pads, I sat down at my computer and wrote what I'm sure was a pleasant blog about hair, or something about how to be green or about cute furry animals. Something helpful. By the time I went to bed I, of course, forgot to go to Groupon.com. I missed the daily deal.

The next day when Kim called me to go to Elate for dinner, there was a surge of hate and bile that riled up in me. I was very angry. At first, I felt it all for Kim for telling me about the deal, of which I lost out on, and then the rage turned upon myself for WASTING money. And then, suddenly, I felt a calm, like I have never known. I found my inner peace. And then I said to Kim, "I'm free tonight. You're buying."



Groupon.com Firstgiving.com HotelFelixChicago.com You really should try them all.

And you should also subscribe to my blog or go to MafiaHairdresser.com. I will probably not reciprocate if it's too hard or if I have to remember a special code or carry a card.
Please order your copy of Mafia Hairdresser, the novel about my life as a hairdresser to a mob couple in the 80's, and subscribe to this blog!