Friday, June 18, 2010

A comment about the right to marry spawns a Facebook debate.

The following is a Facebook feed from last November, 2009. The state of Maine had just taken away the rights of Gays and Lesbians to marry. I saw from the comments of my Facebook friends that they were justifiably upset. This was a travesty.

So I posted what, I thought, would be a positive spin on the situation. What happened was the responses I received got me thinking about why the religious right does not want gay marriage and how come they keep saying the word pedophile when we're talking about human rights? It's so stupid.

So I'll let the Facebook feed tell it's own story.

Of course, I'm going to comment...

November 2009

Mafia Hairdresser We're upset about Maine. And it just shows how much our own families and friends are still putting their money, good vibes and interests into right wing churches and causes. Are we all standing up to those friends and family and asking them to stop this practice because it hurts us? Personally, I may loose a few Facebook Friends because of this statement: “To my Friends and Family who can: Stop the right wing hate.”

Seven friends liked my status update and gave me thumbs ups. And then Friend #1 commented.

Facebook Friend #1 Right on. I too have lost friends in the past based on their political or religious beliefs. But I'm okay with that. We CHOOSE who we want in our life. And if others choose to create a life that does not involved critical thinking or engagement, then why choose to have them in your life?

That was cool. But I thought my point was that more that I was for something rather than against anything. And I wanted to say, hey, we’re all human:

Mafia Hairdresser I'm not pushing anyone away. I'm just saying, hey, I love you. Your kinship with this religious right is hurting me and my rights. Please look at that. I'm not walking away from anyone. I've totally been an asshole and people have graciously waited for me to wake up. It's the least I can do for everyone else.

Friend #1 got it.

Facebook Friend #1 Right on, redux!

Then…

Facebook Friend #2 I'm upset about Maine, too, doll. Humph. I just don't understand why this is an issue. You love someone; you should be able to marry them. Seems simple enough.

Should be.

Facebook Friend #3 None of my family OR friends are putting money or good vibes into right wing causes. I don't need people in my life like that.. voting to take rights AWAY from fellow citizens is just disgusting and very anti-American. I don't get it.

Facebook Friend #4 Allow the fantasy folks, aka religious, have theirs and allow the gay community to have ours. Allow us to go to fantasy hell. I'm ok with it.

Meh. Then my Facebook Friend in Seattle Washington chimed in. He’s a Democrat & Army Reservist. And has worked for many Democrat campaigns.

Facebook Friend WA WA. states domestic partnership law is passing. :) While it may not be marriage, it's now equal to! We've had it on the books for the last year and I'm so happy to see the voters here are not taking civil rights away.

This is where it got interesting. My buddy from high school, (a dude who was not-popular, bullied, and in the school band), decided that my Facebook wall was a good place to “educate.” This man is white. Has kids. And he’s an elementary teacher and now, obviously, “religious.”

Facebook High School Friend It's not about hate, I still love you man. It's about preserving the family unit, which has all but dissolved. Without that, we live in an amoral society where there are no values left to teach our children.

Facebook Friend #5 You’re right. It's not all about hate and all about ignorance. Your family will not dissolve if I create my own family unit.

Facebook High School Friend I totally agree. I don't think it's right for people to tell others how to live their life. But then it should go both ways I have problems with laws that say my children should be forced to learn about sexual lifestyles at a young age, with no opt-out available for me as a parent.

At this time, I’m not reading any of this stuff. But when I did, I’m like, what?! How did we move on to children and teaching them about “sexual lifestyles?”
Even though I was engaged once, to a Canadian (hated it), I just want all people of the United States to have the right to get married – to whomever they wanted – unless it’s between a Buddhist Chinese man and an Islamic African American Woman. I just think that would be such a confusing wedding ceremony to pull off.

Facebook Friend WA That's not true. Parents have the right to allow their child not to attend those classes. Permission slips come home asking the parent if they want their child to hear that type of information. If they choose not, then the child is usually sent to a study hall or the library. At least that is how it's done in WA. So you're wanting to preserve the "idea" of a family unit. Sorry that has long since been dissolved. From the first time a husband and wife who had children got a divorce. With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce today the "father + mother + 2.5 children" is, sadly, a rare occurrence. But why shouldn't children who are raised by 2 moms and 2 dads think that there is any less normal than any other family? Any child raised in a loving nurturing home should know that this is the right place to be; no matter who is raising them. To teach otherwise is to teach discrimination or shame. Meaning: those children being raised by above (right wing mentioned families).

Oy. All I really wanted to say was “Hey gays, come out of the closet, in everyway, and tell your friends and family that by voting against marriage equality, you’ll never be able to get married to the person you want.”
This Facbook feed was getting too racy, for even me, so I tried to tie it up in a little bow and end it.


Mafia Hairdresser Good talk, men. And it just shows how far we have to go. When anyone feels that a marriage between two men or two women takes away from something, or when anyone feels that gays and lesbians are a threat instead of just another one of Gods peoples, it just show how much money and time is spent on those thoughts that have no basis. We'll get there. Just keep talkin and breakin' bread with each other.

High School Friend really has a beef with the educational system so he goes on:

Facebook High School Friend Here is a website which shows how parents have no right to opt out. It's being appealed in Federal court, because it is a violation of the constitution: http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=100678What makes me so angry is that I'm considered to be a bigot if I don't want my own children exposed to sexual teachings in kindergarten.

At first, I did not go onto the link posted. And I don’t have kids. And yet I support High School Friend to raise his kids anyway he sees fit. I didn’t think I believed in teaching “sexual lifestyle” to anyone at any age in public schools. But once I read the article in the link, I thought, hey, they are just trying to tell kids that gay exists. (This is where I know you’ll groan ha-ha and eww…!) I know it’s a “touchy” subject, but I know a few heterosexual men who were not molested as young men but actually did the “natural” experimenting with the same sex when they were young. Shame and confusion followed some of them and I wondered, if they were taught the difference between gay and straight and bisexual, might this have prevented their confusion or pain? Is it promoting a gay lifestyle by telling kids it’s there? Or are you preparing your kids to not to hate but appreciate? I think there would be a lot of heterosexual boys that would go, “I’m not that, because I know what that is-and I am not that.” WARNING: And yet, if you have a homosexual kid, they’re going to fly out of the closet at thanksgiving dinner a lot sooner than the demise of their first marriage. So, I was pulled in to the conversation. I was moved to think beyond my original support shout for gay marriage. I was really thinking about why it was so scary to whoever could be afraid of it.

Facebook High School Friend The family unit is destroyed. The lack of fathers in the household has led to much crime, and the disintegration of our society. But no matter which way you slice it, you still need both sperm and an egg to reproduce. Sorry fellas!

That was just stupid.

Facebook Friend #5 I live on a block that has 2 parents who happen to be gay and they have 2 kids. This is a family and that family is not taking anything away from yours. Sperm and the egg produced their 2 kids but an adoption made the family complete. The family unit lives on my block.

Facebook High School Friend I totally understand what you mean. That family doesn't affect mine. But what does affect mine is the secular humanistic agenda that says "if it feels good, do it." That kind of teaching leads to an amoral society with no values. In California we now have Harvey Milk Day. It's great to honor someone who was persecuted, but does it have to be a pedophile? I affect my children to have to sit in public school and by law be forced to honor someone like that. Why not have an Adolph Hitler day then? He was just “living his life,” right? I mean where does it end?pedophile? It affects my children to have to sit in a public school, and by law be forced to honor someone like that.Why not have an Adolph Hitler day then? He was just "living his life," right? I mean, where does it end?

Now I got it. High School Friend is a little nuts. I do remember him in high school a little clearer.

Facebook Friend #5 OMG. Be well. And live long.

Facebook Friend #5 must have realized that Facebook High School Friend was talking nuts too, so, after this his last message, he un-friends me. And then puts up a Facebook block on Facebook High School Friend and then re-friends me.

Facebook High School Friend Here are excerpts from Harvey Milk's Biography:Randy Shilts, a homosexual San Francisco Chronicle reporter, wrote a favorable and sordid biography of Milk in "The Mayor of Castro Street." The 1982 book detailed Milk's sexual relationships with a 16-year-old, a 19-year-old and other young men: "...sixteen-year-old McKinley was looking for some kind of father figure...At 33, Milk was launching a new life, though he could hardly have imagined the unlikely direction toward which his new lover would pull him." (pages 30-31) "It would be to boyish-looking men in their late teens and early 20's that Milk would be attracted for the rest of his life." (page 24) "Harvey always had a penchant for young waifs with substance abuse problems." (page 180) And this is going to be celebrated in our schools? Nice.

We now went from taking away the right to marry from people in Maine to more Harvey Milk. What is High School Friend reading and why is he taking the time to Facebook this stuff in a realm where it can do no good for his “cause?” He’s a teacher?
This is where I wrap it up. I think the feed proved a point. People are still afraid of gays. And I think it’s just plain mean to not let gays marry each other. There are no arguments based in fact that should support a continued ban on such simple human rights. And, after all these years, the religious right wingers still like to say pedophile and homosexual in the same sentence, even though that will never make it true. I could take a shot at the pedophile priests, but I feel sad for them and their victims. I believe that those priests opted to keep their religion and suppress their sexuality and that f__ked them up. I also believe that if their victims could have been a little more educated on what sexuality was, gay and straight, they might have been able to defend themselves or reported the abuse sooner.
All this from a little Facebook update.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________


The following is the rest of the Feed that I felt too boring and weird for me. But have at it, if you like.



Facebook Friend WA OK last I checked any one over the age of 18 is considered an adult. That does not make some one a pedophile. Why does the conversation always head in that direction when people talk about homosexual men? Stats show there are far more hetro males who rape and are pedophiles and any other group. Even while a young girls case is renewed because she was located after what 18 years. That was a married couple who did this disgusting thing, that's the morality you want taught? Yes this was a loving family the husband and wife kid napped her but they raised her as if she were theirs. Never mind that they raped her repeatedly forced her to have two children (in the back yard) and raped the children. Both it's ok they were a married hetro couple so that the morality begin. talk about teaching "if it feels right do it" sadly comments like that make you look ignorant we're not in the 60's anymore. And he was not just persecuted he was MURDERED for defending human rights. I'll bet you watch COUGAR Town and laugh and think nothing of it. Again a double standard. When an older man has sex with a younger woman it fine, and now we have shows glamorizing older women having sex with young men. But man when a LGBT person has sex with a legal aged younger person their instantly labeled as pedophiles. Here Preacher, Preacher Preacher bring on those alter boys and girls. Yes another moral value taught by the religious right, oh wait they covered that up for how many years. I do have to give you credit for reading the bio, or did you gather that from another gay bashing web site?As for Hitler he too murdered homosexuals, so please let’s learn more about what a hate monger can do when left alone to quietly preach HATE to millions of people allowing for the exterminations of nearly 2.5 million Jews. Oh wait there's an entire section during HISTORY class already dedicated to him. It's called WORLD WAR 2!!!!!!!

Facebook Friend WA Looking at your web site I understand if you don’t want your child to learn tolerance, why should others be excluded. By teaching children to except their peers and to acknowledge that families can be different is a bad thing, really????From the site, “In kindergarten, the schools plan to introduce children to "The New Girl … And Me" by Jacqui Robins. The book is about a young girl who is new at a school and strikes up a friendship with another girl after a popular boy refuses to play with her.Not sure how this is considered sexual. Guess one really has to read between the lines to pick that out. As for the opt-out choice I'm sure your child has missed school because of an illness, a Dr. apt, something. If you truly don’t want them to be informed then keep them home that day. There you have opted out! You're not considered a bigot for not wanting your child exposed to sexual teachings in kindergarten. You're considered a bigot when you only want your child excluded from certain sections of said lessons. They even list the lesson plan number, what are the other lessons they teach in the sexual health class? Why were the other lesson plans not listed? Because the author was focused on the fact that teaching tolerance of the LGBT people is bad. She even goes so far as mentioning the amount of money that will be spent ($8,000) of a multi million dollar budget. Yep they're going to break the bank with that lesson plan. How many students are in the Alameda school district? And why not teach about leaders, artist, writers etc who just so happened to be LGBT. Are you implying that if you're gay you're not able to contribute to society? Oh let those moral values shine.So question, how many times a day does your religion require prayer and for how long? Hourly, 10 times a day for 15 minutes inquiring minds. Because I know when I pray it's usually for less than a minute and more times than not no one even knows I'm doing it. So why does there need to be dedicated time during the school day for children to pray. it can be done before, between classes, during lunch after school. That does not mean people are intolerant to religion. If you want your child to be able to pray in school send them to private school. Because you're footing the bill the rules for church and states separation don’t apply. Your child can pray for the entire day with out a care in the world. Oh wait no they can’t because they too have a lesson plan that must be followed, but at least you know they wont be taught about all those amoral, pedophile LGBT people in the world

Facebook High School Friend The part you're ignoring is the part where Harvey had relationships with 16 year olds. In my country, that's pedophilia. And I agree with you that all pedophiles should be put away, no matter what the sexual orientation. No, I don't want my children to be exposed to this in school. No, pedophiles should not be celebrated in school. As I said before, you have the double standard. You want others to be tolerant of you, but you're not willing to tolerate anything but your own ways.


Please order your copy of Mafia Hairdresser, the novel about my life as a hairdresser to a mob couple in the 80's, and subscribe to this blog!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I do not Trust Yelp.com

This is a blog about Yelp.com, integrity, and social media. It's also a follow up to the my blog, Fired over Foursquare, ( http://tinyurl.com/28ckzwk ) which I wrote a few weeks ago. DISCLOSURE: I was not: but I am now a disgruntled employee of "Blank," from the aforementioned blog.


In "F over F" I wrote about a business owner who did not understand, because of social media sites and outlets, such as Foursquare, Facebook, MySpace, CitySearch, Metromix and YELP, that clients of their business have the ability to choose to follow a hairdresser or aerobics instructor or waiter to another business location AND the client also has the right to stay and patronize the owners' business. In this day and age, both the business owner and the service personnel have the ability to provide a very personal ongoing rapport and relationship with their clients, and prospective clients, with their social media skills. Because of social media, the client has choice!


As a hairdresser with an Iphone, my clients let me know if they are running late or they can "FaceBook me" with hair or restaurant questions. They can see what I'm up to on the weekends and join me for volleyball. And through Twitter and Facebook I can let them know if we have a new product that I recommend or if we get a new stylist into the salon that I would like them to welcome with me. My website links me and clients to Green sites and my novels and my writing. And my blog is, well, you're reading it...


Since "Blank" did not understand the social netting that supports and sustains his clients enjoyment and continued interaction with his business, it came as no surprise to me that he and I would agree to end our business relationship and we parted ways--on good terms--or so I thought. [By the way, Blank finally got a FaceBook fan page and a website. Both mediums do not solicit interaction from staff or clients.]


Then the letter arrived in my clients mail boxes from Blank Salon. It did not have a welcoming tone such as "We thank you for your business and we'd love to see you again." It simply stated that I was no longer working at his salon. A shitty piece of marketing and a waste of a stamp, I say. I do believe Blank had his feelings hurt because I left, but come on...


Well this letter pissed off quite a few of my clients. First they panicked. (see comments on "F over F") And then they went to any number of social media outlets to find out where I was. And then two of my clients who had previously posted positive comments on YELP went back onto YELP to let Blank know that they did not appreciate the way they were treated.


Another disclosure: It might matter to you and to YELP and to BLANK, but I did not put my clients up to this. BUT I could be a vindictive ex-employee who is also a liar.


SO: Here's where what really pisses me off. "SOMEONE" had those unsolicited YELPs written by my clients removed. And do you know which Yelps were are left on for Blanks business? The positive Yelps that my clients had previously written about me and another ex-employee who also now happened to works with me at a brand new salon! So, basically, as of today, all of his positive ratings are still being generated by Yelps about me and another former employee. As a stylist who's still bringing new clients to Blank's salon via social media shoutouts from my client's past YELP's: I'm appalled. But as a writer of Chicago scandal and social injustice--I love it! Thank you, YELP and Blank.



Shame on the business owner if he was the one who had only the negative Yelps removed. BUT damn you YELP for taking away the voice of real customers. Neither of my clients were contacted by YELP to see if a vindictive hairdresser put them up to a negative posting--so both of them re-posted again--only with a vengeance.

I have always enjoyed a high Yelp rating because my clients are social media users and they can say what they will about me. Thank god, it's been positive--up to now. But also, up until now, I have thought of YELP as an unbiased resource of reviews from real customers of businesses; businesses that I might like to use, such as restaurants, salons etc.

But I do not trust Yelp.com anymore. If a business can keep a positive Yelp ratings simply by removing posts that they do not like, this site has no integrity. Yelp is simply a tool. And maybe a bigger tool than I think Blank is.


I am now going to dedicate a page of my website, http://mafiahairdresser.com/ to making sure that Chicago stylists don't get kicked to the curb by tyrannical salon owners, and that Chicago clients can always find out where their stylist are. More to come...
Please order your copy of Mafia Hairdresser, the novel about my life as a hairdresser to a mob couple in the 80's, and subscribe to this blog!

Sensitivity to Hair-Coloring = Toxic you

Just today, a client came into the salon only to be diagnosed, by me, to be too sensitive for the same procedure that she has been having done for years—having her hair colored. Not that it is of much importance to this article, but I usually highlight her dark brown hair which is just starting to gray. And then I “bump” the base, which means that I color the root area not highlighted in foil packets—this is the relevant part: hair coloring product touches her scalp.
In my 30 plus years in the business, I have not heard of hair-coloring or hair tinting ever killing or permanently hurting someone. Oh yes, I’ve seen the rare burn marks and patches on scalps from pasted relaxers or lifting or bleaching or highlighting products. (Not done by me, of course.) But hair-coloring products are mostly milder that those that I just listed and have been very safe for putting on the skin.
But wait—times have changed. I have been coloring a long time and, along with every other stylist in the business; we are all seeing a trend. We are noticing our women clients become more sensitive to hair coloring at a younger and younger age than ever before. Sensitivity means that the body or skin can react in any number of ways; by tingling, burning, itching or aching. One could develop a racing pulse, or have shortness of breath and, I’m sure more or less severe symptoms. My client’s scalp had become sensitive to hair coloring and her skin tingled and then she felt burning. So I knew we could no longer use the same hair coloring products on her scalp that had been perfectly fine for many years prior.
This sensitivity to hair coloring phenomenon is now becoming more common. We colorists have all begun experimenting with new coloring systems. Some without PPD’s (paraphenylenediamine) in them or some with ammonia-free agents. We have learned to use buffers and oils to calm the skin. We recommend shampoos without sulfates or too many chemicals in them and the list is getting longer and longer for the extremes that we will go to keep our livelihood and our clients happy and safe. And, ultimately, all we are doing is trying to keep those “witchy” grays from aging our brunette clients, or keeping our formerly beach-bleached blonde girls light, or keeping redheads from fading into orange mediocrity.
About now, if you are women reading this and you are also someone who is not about to stop coloring your hair, you are looking for that one product, or that one suggestion, that you will glean from this article so that you can tell your stylist to use it just so that you will be able to color your hair till you’re ready to be buried in your favorite black cocktail dress.
But there will be no more chemical jargon in this article. And there is no miracle product to add to the ones I know could be causing sensitivity problems for today’s coloring client. In fact, I know that hair tints and dyes and anything that we use on the skin in this industry is now more safe for your skin and hair that at any other time in my career. Not that I trust the FDA, but the “stuff” they have in professional products is just better. And yet it is not good enough or non-toxic enough if your body is saying, “I am being exposed to too many chemicals—and I want that to stop.” You see, if you are alive today, your body has been bombarded with more toxins from the likes of treated beds and pillows, more poisons from gardening products, more DNA disruptors from paints and water bottles, and more radiation from tech equipment than any generations before. AND you are constantly putting duress-stress on you “mind-body-system” by daily taking in 400 times more information than your grandparents did from: your television and TV monitors everywhere, 3G phones, computers, KIDS, and the whole list of crap you do every day just to get by. Add that up and your body is going to start to react. It’s going to tell you something: Stop. Slow down. Treat me right. Get these built-up toxin out of me!
And how is your body going to tell you all that? By getting tired. By upset stomachs. By sensitivity to products and foods that you never had a problem with before. I know you want a miracle product to patch you up so you can keep doing what you are doing. A pill that you can take so that you can address your toxin intake or stress intake on your own time schedule. But yeah, no. The time is now. Do it before your body breaks down or your stylists tells you that he/she cannot color your grays (gasp!). Or worse, before you spend thousands on hospital bills and doctors--like I have.
Back to the story of my client. Along with her sensitivity to hair coloring she had also begun to have skin and stomach problems. One thing that I’ve notice with people who have sensitive skin, it’s that it started out with a sensitive stomach. Her doctor even suggested she could be Celiac which mean she will have to go on a Glutton-free diet for the rest of her life. (I’m close to succumbing to this realization for myself.) Now, when I suggested that she start using “anti-inflammatory foods” (Google that!), she seemed a little interested. But when I also recommended meditation, her mind put the brakes on.
Whoh,” she said, “all this sound like a lot of time. I’m in sales and I’m on the road all the time. I don’t have time to meditate or wade through the menus at restaurant just to find things that I can eat.”
I did not explain to her that it did not matter if she would take the time or not. She needs to reverse some of reasons her body is sensitive such as the accumulation of toxin and stress on her body. She may not know it now, but her body will tell her when it has had enough. Years ago, I had a few emergency trips to the hospital myself—stomach problems…, then relaxing problems…, then skin problems…, then: bam! I now meditate, exercise and I eat a lot of anti-inflammatory foods, and I avoid toxins where I can. I also read up on what could be my next step to even better health.
By the end of my client’s appointment, I promised her that I would have a coloring product to cover her grays by the next time she came in. I could still use the highlighter because that does not touch her skin. She seemed put at ease but I knew that the hair was not the most important thing. Her health was.

Here are my suggestions to help you make sure that you are healthy. This is my “miracle product” that I think could help all of us. It’s a path. I just hope I can make the path a little less daunting for you by illuminating the way.


Start to take personal action: Don’t change everything all at once. You can slowly tackle toxin purging by getting rid or your garden poisons or toxic cleaners, little by little, or as they run out. They didn’t come into your life over night and you’ve got a few months to get used to the idea of getting rid of them, slowly but surely.
Green Cleaner news: read my green cleaner blog or go to: http://www.ecomaids.com/

Eat Better: http://nutrition.about.com/od/changeyourdiet/qt/inflamguide.htm
For Babys: http://www.earthbaby-organics.com/

Learn a little more: Read about a mom's journey to a healthy life for her sons through a divorce!: http://ecoactionplan.wordpress.com/
You're welcome: http://storyofstuff.com/ This one's a good start for anyone.
A must: http://www.squidgonegreen.com/
Best articles: http://www.icountformyearth.com/ My personal Fav.
Best of Chicago: http://www.mindfulmetropolis.com/
Go to the Green section of MafiaHairdresser.com. Follow my Green Twitter list @mafiahairdreser on Twitter. And, for heaven's sake, subscribe to this blog!

Empower yourself: Once you start feeling more health and energy, you'll get worked up about more health and you'll see how chemicals and toxins need not be in our foods and environment and then you'll start taking bigger actions.
Sign a petition each week. http://care2.org/
Pass on some information on twitter. http://www.chicagoclimateaction.org/
You can’t save the whole world but you can donate a few dollars a month or join one online organization. http://worldwildlife.org/.

Know that it is enough and stop worrying: Please know that what you are doing is enough--for today. For your health. For your family.
And you’ve got to trust that everyone is going to start walking this healthy path one day as well. Each of us is going to wake up on our own time (you did!) and care for ourselves and then the environment by taking actions. If we all do a little bit, on our own pace—all will be well. If you worry about other people not doing their part, you might have to medicate or meditate and exercise more!....
Exercise: You will suck at it for the first 30 days but do yoga ten to twenty minutes a day. Lock the kids in a closet if you have to but just start doing something. Buy a matt and a DVD and get started. Walk!
If you are healthy or ill: HUG A TREE! One of my client’s doctor’s actually told her to start hugging trees. This woman was diagnosed and treated for lung cancer and was told she would die in two years even after surgery. That was 15 years ago. And she attributes her health to getting outside and getting back in touch with nature and the healing (and free!) vibrations of trees.
Stop, look and listen to your body: If you think that you are stressing out your mind and body, turn off the TV, computer, cell phone… And then start looking into the foods, water and chemicals around you and begin your health journey today. MEDITATE. Think about it, if you do not get healthy, I might be out of a job in few years.

Mwah!
Please order your copy of Mafia Hairdresser, the novel about my life as a hairdresser to a mob couple in the 80's, and subscribe to this blog!