Take down the Deflector Shield when you have Conflict

I had a busy week and I was tired. There was still no excuse for my behavior when I woke up extra-cranky one Saturday morning and promptly told three very nice and lovely ladies to take a flying leap off a dump truck into a stinking landfill. Yeah-NO, I did not really say it like that. In fact, I didn’t actually speak a mean word to any of them. Instead, I Facebooked and emailed a couple of my special-choice words to all of them. Two of the ladies responded. One did not.
We all have many self-rules which we follow in handling conflict with our fellow man/woman. Sometimes we follow our rules and get good results. Sometimes we don’t follow them and we get good results. Sometimes we just don’t get the results that we can call “good” no matter what we do. In all three situations, with my lady friends, I was surprised.

Here’s my own self rules.

• Take down the Deflector Shield: If I feel defensive or if I feel like I really want to “rub their nose in it” or “teach them a lesson,” I'd prefer to stay away from the “enemy” until I can visualize the person as my best friend and that we have no sides to the story; just friends.
  
• Talk on the phone or in-person whenever possible. It is not easier to put off the call. You can get instant two-way communication and instant relief to a situation which you may have built up in your mind. And, sometimes, parties might have to squabble to get back to being BFF’s. You’ll both come out okay if you both hear that the most important reason you are communicating is to strengthen the friendship.
  
• Give yourself some time when a negative incident occurs between yourself and the other person. The theory is to sleep on it and your wisdom will take over.
  Be thankful that you have a person in your life who you have conflict with. Like all relationships, they are probably the best person in your life, right now, to learn how to communicate through this particular conflict.
  

Here’s where I went astray.
A gal-pal of mine spent years in chemo and radiation therapies and has had a ton of surgeries for cancer. She’s been in remission more than once. She is in debt with medical bill, a very spiritual person, and I love the heck out of her. When she asked me to do her highlights and cuts for free, I felt honored to be able to help out. It’s been a couple of years “comping” her, and I’ve felt good about doing that for her. I got to use my time and talents to help someone. It’s a gift – to me.
On the day before my cranky-Saturday, I got a Facebook message and an email from her asking me if I could do her hair again. She needed it that same day because it was important for her to feel good and she had just found out that she had stage four cancer. Both messages were not read by me until the next morning because I had been doing hair for 18 hours for a fashion show. I was exhausted when I read her hair pleas and her admission to non-remission.
After I read the message, I felt awful. I would have loved to help her out but it was physically impossible. I found out too late, and my weekend was already planned. And then I got very angry. I’m a good hairdresser with a good book and I get a few of these types of emails, texts and Facebook messages a week. Granted, not everyone has cancer, but it seemed to me that a lot of my clients had been wanted to get in for services, last minute, and I had plenty of spaces in the past week’s schedule-IF they had called ahead. I let those warrented or Diva-pissy thoughts overwhelm me and then I sent my own message back. I told her that she should have given me a little more heads up and it just made me feel like shit, and I was angry that she played the Cancer-Card. After a few hours I felt like a monster.
Do you know what she emailed back to me? A thank-you! Ugh. That’s why I loved doing her hair. To be around this courageous woman is inspiring and, again, it’s a gift to me. She thanked me for treating her like a friend and “chewing” her out, because she sometimes gets in her own little world.
I won’t bore with the other two women’s stories. They were not so touching to me as this story. But I will tell you, one was a friend/client who, I felt, let me down, and she did not return my email. The other was my room-mate who let this awful woman sleep at our house, again, after the thankless woman basically left in a huff the first time; saying that she would stay with people who appreciated her the next time. My room-mate didn’t understand that I thought the houseguest used her as a doormat and also made me uncomfortable in my own home. Our Facebook messages to each other left me feeling that she didn’t understand what I was saying.
And what was I saying? Nothing. I was hiding behind my emails and messages. I was not allowing the person who, in my mind, I had conflict with, to actually hear my voice which also did not allow them to affect me. It didn’t matter if these ladies initiated the “conflict” via such communication avenues, I should have called them or talked to them in-person. I will do so in the future.

SO: I had a few calls to make. But I didn’t talk to my room-mate. But I am going to talk to that "houseguest" to make sure she doesn’t feel comfortable to stay at my apartment again.

E-Prime Extra Credit: When communicating, try not to use the verbs “to-be,” such as is or was. Some people use E-Prime as a mental discipline to filter speech and translate the speech of others. For example, the sentence "the movie was good" could translate into E-Prime as "I liked the movie" or as "the movie made me laugh". The E-Prime versions communicate the speaker's experience rather than judgment, making it harder for the writer or reader or communicator to confuse opinion with fact. The dog is a menace. Becomes... Joe says that the dog behaves like a menace.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-Prime
http://www.nobeliefs.com/eprime.htm This link has the book listed. I recommend.
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Break the Biking Rules and Blog for Blago

You gotta love Illinois. First Blagojevich gets off easy and then, on the same evening, so do I! Mwah-ha-ha. Some of Blago’s alleged crimes were cheating, lying, attempted extortion, siphoning funds and selling senate seats. BFD. I broke some rules. Not BIG ones – but they were, at least, small to medium regulations. But I risked my life while breaking these rules; and then, when I got caught in the act, I had the balls to admit what I did and I still walked!
So there I was riding my bike south on Lincoln Ave approaching Wells where I would normally turn right. But up ahead there was someone in the street passing something to a passenger in a car (Tribune at this time of night?) before the light changed and the car drove on.
Oh great. What if I had I to stop at that same light and this person was going to try and sell me a StreetWise? Normally I would buy one but I didn’t have anyplace to put it if I did. My Yorkshire terrier, Junebug, was riding with her head popped out of my messenger bag which slung off one shoulder, and I was on my iPhone (forgot my headset) while riding with one hand.
As I got closer to the corner I realized that the person handing things out was actually a cute African American woman who was wearing reflectors on her arms. The reflectors reminded me of retro 90’s glow-sticks and were the only reason I had seen her at a distance because I wasn’t wearing my contacts which I really needed to see better at night.
Just as got to the corner, Reflecto-Chick jumped back onto the sidewalk and then a police officer jumped out in my path to replace her. Even if he didn’t yell at me to get off my bike and onto the sidewalk I would have recognized that he was real cop pulling me over. He was that close and under a street lamp.
I wasn’t mad that I had to hang up on one of my social networking friends. I was used to 140 character DM’s and tweet-communication with her anyway. Talking=exhausting! Besides I wanted to hang up and use my iPod for the rest of the way home. (I downloaded a new dance version of Katy Perry’s California Gurls.)
Reflecto-Chic turned out to named, Somalia, and a representative of the League of Illinois Bicyclists: Mayor Daley’s valiant push for bike safety, bike lanes and a greener city.
I was too nervous to ask the officer’s name because he kept asking me questions and then he informed me that I had broken the law by not having a light on the front of my bike. He also didn’t like seeing me talking on my phone while riding without a helmet. I think he held back because he thought I was going to cry because I was squinting but it was just because I lacked my contacts, which I did not mention.
The two people on the sidewalk must have rehearsed their good-Cop good-Samaritan routine because Somalia gave me a Chicago Bike Map and a handout for the “League” and told me that they were only concerned for my safety.
I told them that my friends constantly scolded me for not wearing a helmet while riding a motorcycle when I lived in Long Beach, California. I thought it was perfectly okay because riders had the beach to their shoulders and long stretches of Pacific Coast Highway with no crazy cab drivers or buses to dodge. In those days I was “more me” than I am today and I also wouldn’t wear a helmet because it would mess up my hair. Besides, it wasn’t like I was going very fast or riding on the freeway, I rambled. I didn’t own a Harley. It was just a Honda Nighthawk, 360. Midnight blue. And it had a cowl-windshield. And it probably looked like the Batgirl Cycle. Had my friends pointed out that a helmet would have matched my motorcycle-riding-outfit...
I thought the officer was going to give me a ticket but, instead, he and Somalia pointed out that I was bald so I no longer had to worry about my hair being messed up and they let me go, Ticket-free. They could have let me go because they were laughing so hard and they both had to find a his and a hers bathroom to pee in because they were laughing so hard. I'm sure having cute Junebug didn't hurt either.
I think Blago should call me, I have the perfect defense for his retrial. (You cannot borrow Junebug!)

In lieu of a ticket for breaking the law, I promised to buy a helmet and get a light on my bike.

In retribution to society, I am supposed to ask you to please check out http://www.chicagobikes.org/
This website is by CDOT: the Chicago Department of Transportation and it has it all. It’s got popular links to other biking websites, safety videos, and the online version of the Chicago Bike Map (streets for cycling) that I was given by Somalia.

Mayor Daley has a great plan to make Chicago a better green city and having more bikes on the street than cars is just one part of the plan. www.bike2015plan.org
And check out Chicago’s Bike and Roll. A new Bike-Share program in Chicago. http://www.bikechicago.com/

www.activetrans.org/blog

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Giving Hallmark a run...

Happy Birthday BLANK!
You're still just a kitten. So young. With your whole 3 out of 9 lives left ahead of you. You'll grow more fluffy everyday; hairy, really -- unless it all sheds off on your fav foofoo pillow. Your ears will droop and that scratchy personality won't be as cute as it was. Oh puss, puss, puss... Soon your meow-tabolism will stop purring and just putt. Dare I say, watch the Flabby - Tabby? And get used to being passed over for petting because there's always a new cat on your tail -- ready to take your place on the couch. Love ya, Snow-Balls. I really do. I'd put you down if it ever got too hard for you. I'm not being Catty. This is just pussy love.
Sign Here.

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Anthropologie on State St. in Chicago Wasting Energy

Hey Anthropologie, (I spelled it wrong when I originally sent it to them)I live and work in the gold coast of Chicago. I pass by your store on State St. everyday. I keep seeing your large front doors open and you have your air-conditioner running.
This is silly. You are wasting your own dollars. And you are unnecessarily making your carbon footprint much larger than you have to.
I went in to the store and asked a sales girl why a company that professes to be green would do this. She told me that they keep the doors open so the store looks more inviting.
I’m here to tell you that it is not.
As I informed the State St. manager, I will be “tweeting” and “Facebooking” about your waste until you close those doors; or until you get revolving doors, which will also save carbon output and energy in the winter.
Thank you, ahead of time. I know this is kind of an oversight and I’m going to assume you would like to fix this problem, save money, and keep being green.
Jon-David
UPDATE: this location has closed and one opened on Chicago Ave in its place. I hope they conserve energy at thier new location!

Contact them yourself if you like. service@anthropologie.com

(I didn't mean to take pic like that but I love the part of Anthr-"opologie" came out.

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Green for Beginners. Phase Two.

A greener home is the first place to begin making small changes to help the environment and create a healthier and more enjoyable place to live. Here are 10 simple steps to green up your life and change the planet. It’s Phase Two of GREEN for beginners!

1. Buy Only What You Need
Plain and simple-don't over purchase. AND DO consider the packaging. You might have to write to a product distributor and tell them that you love their product but you do not like thier wasteful packaging. Don't forget to bring your own shopping bags and wash them regularly. Plastic bags are doing serious damage to our oceans. And please pat yourself on the back for saving money!
2. Recycle, Recycle, Recycle!
Recycle, reuse, and properly dispose of all materials. Everything from plastic bags to construction materials. But, recycling is not just limited to the cans, glass, and paper we go though everyday. Call Tech recyclers to recycle your computers. Drop your old batteries at Walgreens.
3. Upgrade Your Light Bulbs
When your incandescent light bulbs burn out, replace them with energy efficient compact fluorescent light bulbs (CFLs). According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) CFLs use 2/3 less energy than traditional incandescent light bulbs and last 10 times longer. Making this upgrade saves you money and saves energy.
4. Use Green Cleaners or Make Your Own.
Buy only environmentally safe cleaners for your home and business. Phase out old traditional cleaners. You will breath easier in your home. You family will not be in constant contact with cancer causing agents. http://tinyurl.com/yfyzah7 (Green Cleaner Blog)
DO YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR WATER?
Not only do many traditional cleaners have cancer causing agents or allergy causing agents, they are terrible to put down the drain: It takes 11 Federal, State & City agencies to bring your water to you; and remove your waste water. They are over budget. They are overburdened by too much waste-water and rain. And they constantly have to expel unclean sewage water from your home directly into our rivers and lakes when there are heavy rains. And we all end up drinking the toxins and medicines that you threw down the drain.
5. Keep Your Gadgets Green
Electronics become outdated very quickly. To insure you are responsible with your gadgets, practice the following:
 Resist the urge to upgrade every time a "newer" or "cooler" gadget comes out. Reduce at the source-you save money and the time (and frustration) to learn how to operate and program the new gadget!
 Donate working electronics to charities or school programs that resell or refurbish them.
 Refill or recycle your inkjet or toner cartridges
 Close the recycling loop and buy recycled, post-consumer content paper for your printer. Most local office supply stores, such as Staples, offer a growing selection of environmentally friendly papers.
6. Conserve Every Drop
It take 11 agencies working together to bring Chicago its water. DID I SAY THAT ALREADY? And they are all overburdened with budget cuts, excess water run-off and water waste. So turn off the water faucet when brushing your teeth and shaving. Run the dishwasher and washing machine only when they are full; avoid small, partial loads. Cleaning your driveway or sidewalk by hosing it down with water wastes at least 80 gallons of water every time; Use a broom instead.
7. Adjust Your Thermostat
Have you ever heard of lowering your Carbon Footprint? Carbon gets into our air from Coal Power Plants. The less energy wasted in each home and business saves from putting more carbon into the atmosphere which is causing our Global Warming.
A few degrees difference in temperature can make all the difference in both your energy savings and your financial savings and keeping your personal Carbon Footprint lower.
8. Keep the Air Clean
Carpool, ride the bus, use public transportation, or bike to work. Cars + traditional fuels = Carbon!
9. Save the Trees
USE CLOTH NAPKINS INSTEAD OF PAPER NAPKINS. And use cloth instead of paper towels. You will save money and it is less energy and water and less trees wasted when you just throw rags in the washer. Pay your bills online: saving paper, time, and postage. As the price of paper cards and postage increases, consider emailing e-cards instead of mailing them out. Email documents and information instead of printing and mailing them. Whenever possible, save documents on your computer or on a disk instead of as a print copy in your filing cabinet.
10. No more plastic water bottles. Buy a non-aluminum water bottle to refill instead of continually buying water in plastic bottles. The water that the companies are harvesting is no better than Chicago tap water and we do not have any more room in landfills.

http://www.chicagoclimateaction.org/ is a great place to start for Phase Three of Green for Beginners. It has information on Carbon Footprint and what we can all do in Chicago.


Phase Three: The more you know about being green, the more you will sleep at night. It's kind of the opposite of what you originally thought about going green, huh? Because of my personal journey, I know that there are thousands of people doing their best to make this world a better place. The more that I have learned about what is available to me to be a better Green-guy, along with some personal action, the more I felt like I was part of making this world a better place. I'm doing my small part. It feels good.
http://www.mafiahairdresser.com/ for more.

Here are the 5 Phases of Green for Beginners.

• Phase One: Let the Idea of being green blossom and get rid of the mind chatter of why you would or would not be green.
  
• Phase Two: Take Action in your own home and your work place.
  
• Phase Three: Learn what is interesting to you about being green.
  
• Phase Four: Join a website or cause that you are interested in and learn and contribute your time, talents or dollars.
  
• Phase Five: Become a Leader in your own household or workplace or neighborhood.
  
  

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Green for Beginners. Phase one.

Are you thinking of being more Green? More environmentally minded? Do your thoughts sound like this?: "I know I should be more green." "I don't know where to start." "I don't want to start being green right now because I think it will cost me more money." "It just makes me sad when I find out why I have to be more green, so I don't want to start."
If you continue reading, you are in Phase One of being green. And Phase One is just like any new project: It starts with an idea, and then comes the mind-chatter. “I’m too busy.” “I can’t afford it.” “I’m not good enough.” “It’s no use.”
These are the sentiments that I've heard or felt myself on the topic of "Being Green." If any of these statements sound like like the thoughts in your own head, I'll ask you to let them go for a while. Bye-bye, anti-Green thoughts. Now, let me help you start your green engines so you can zoom-on to become the best Green-guy or Green-gal that you possibly can. You're not going to worry about actually doing anything this very second. You can can always take on more green as you grow. For now, just stay with the simple idea: "I want to be more green."
And what does being green mean? Being green simply means you care about yourself and your family and pets; and you want the place where you live to be a healthy environment. AND: as individuals, we all do our small part in contributing to making the world a happy place. With this simple view on being green, along with the idea that you want align with this simple thought, I believe you are already a green-guy/gal. I know that any further tools and knowledge that you will need will now come to you; one step at time, at the time that you need. You do not have to worry about each step or how much money it take, or what you will need. Let the idea bring the things that you need in it’s own time.
Poof! You are now a Green-person.

Here are the 5 Phases of being green. (None of which you have to worry about at this exact minute!)

• Phase One: Let the Idea of being green blossom and get rid of the mind chatter of why you would or would not be green.
  
• Phase Two: Take Action in your own home and your work place.
  
• Phase Three: Learn what is interesting to you about being green.
  
• Phase Four: Join a website or cause that you are interested in and learn and contribute your time, talents or dollars.
  
• Phase Five: Become a Leader in your own household or workplace or neighborhood.
  

In the next few weeks tune in and I’ll take your through the all the 5 Green Phases. I’ll give you Twitter and Facebook Friend suggestions that you can follow and websites that you can join so that you can pick up the information that you need for your home or personal interest.
Know that you are a caring person that has been given a gift of an idea: “I want to be more Green.” You are not going to do it overnight. And there is no "perfect." And remember: You are only responsible for your small part in making your environment the healthiest place that YOU can.

If you would like to start learning more now go to http://mafiahairdresser.com/ and go to the Green at Home section. I have lists of people and organization that are in my social network that are far better than me at providing you with information that would help you to be a better Green-Gal or Green-Guy.

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Hotel Felix in Chicago

This is a rave for a Chicago Hotel. Five stars, two thumbs up, and a big hats-off to this environmentally conscious boutique inn. What originally caught my attention to the Hotel Felix, located at 111 W. Huron St., was that they had applied for their Silver LEED Certificate. For those of you who do not know, a LEED Certificate is an internationally recognized green-building point-rated system that is applied for and given to new and old buildings. Buildings in the Silver rated range must meet minimal requirements for energy savings, water efficiency, CO2 emissions reduction, improved indoor environmental quality, and stewardship of resources and sensitivity to their impacts. Building’s that are under construction must use as much of the old footprint or prior existing building, and recycle or reuse as much as possible of the old building that the new one will be replacing. From the outside, the Hotel Felix looks polished and pretty and the 1920's facade and signage looks like the old Gangster-Gotham that Chicago used to be. That’s because they used as many exterior and interior walls as they could and they tuck-pointed or replaced tiles/bricks/ frontage with the same type of materials that were originally used. (For more information about LEED Certification: http://tinyurl.com/y9lv3u7 )
The Hotel Felix is located in the River North District and is on the south-west shoulder of the Gold Coast. Just blocks from Michigan Avenue, the Chicago River, and conveniently located near the CTA Red and Brown Lines, the hotel is also near the path of the Red Double Decker bus tours stop located at The Hard Rock Cafe. Being so near public transportation and being a local business which encourages walking actually gives more LEED’s points to Hotel Felix. This also makes the hotel a great urban destination to visit or stay at for visitors and locals.
Do I sound like a professional sound piece for the Hotel? Not me. So far, I have never been influenced to write a review or article that I did not want to write. But I live only a few blocks from the hotel, so it is my neighbor. I always like to support (if I like it) my neighboring businesses. Also, the Hotel Felix was in my Twitter Social Network and I really liked, Molly, the voice of the Hotel. Through her "tweets," I learned of the Hotel’s LEED’s goals and of the many amenities that the hotel had to offer. And then I went to the restaurant in the hotel, ELATE.
Let me say this: I am a hairdresser, and if I recommend a restaurant, it is because I have heard more good things than bad about it—I’ve tried it—and I’ve loved it. Elate blew me away with its “American Market” cuisine, which means I was eating seasonal yummy dishes with grilled tomatillo, rhubarb, avocado, macadamia nuts, grilled beets, barata, and Pizza with pork lechon plus black beans, cotija cheese & pineapple mojo. All of the plates are small for share, so you don’t have to be scared or sorry that you didn’t walk down the street to Poritillo's for your regular mid-west fare. You can just stop in for a few appitizers--but you won't stop eating and you will get full--I assure you. And the prices range per plate is from $9 to $14 -- the low twenties for the bigger protein dishes. My favorite waiter is Jordan, “like the country.” He told me all about veteran Chef, Randal Jacobs, who hunts for local grown and organic foods which means that the menu will always be changing. Jordan has done much of my ordering for me. “Trust me,” he always says. I do trust him. And trust me when I say: order the beet dish and the brussels sprout dish if it's still on the menu. I never loved either, before now, and you’ll fall in love with them too. Menu to date and Chef bio: http://www.elatechicago.com/

The bar is zigzagged to accommodate sitters and yet one can still order a drink from the great bartenders. Outdoor seating is available although I love the insides with high ceilings, chandeliers, and big windows. On Elate’s website they call the decor “rustic and sophisticated” with many green elements incorporated into the design such as distressed concrete floors mixed with Herringbone patterned oak. Here’s a professional review from The Reader if you like: http://tinyurl.com/2592dr2

After many tweets and raves about Elate, I asked Molly if she could introduce me to George B. Jordan, the General Manager of the Hotel Felix. I thought, because I liked the restaurant and hotel, that I might write something about it, one day, if I found out anything I thought was interesting.

The first thing that was very interesting to me was the climate control in each individual room. Made by InnCom http://tinyurl.com/2c3ukdc Their software hardware system knows when a guest enters the room and immediately starts heating or cooling the room to the guests’ desired settings. And each room is boutiqued for spare-ity and function so that means Italian type designed beds with drawers underneath instead of bureaus, and closets that double as shelving. Of course there’s every amenity, Energy-Star Flat Screens, blow dryers and, of course, recycling baskets in each bath room. (They even recycle the unused shampoos and conditioner products!)

George gladly showed me around the hotel personally which was very cool. He's funny and his staff likes him and I noticed that he's a happy perfectionist. You won’t see many appliance cords “squimy-sqamin” around end-table legs or coming from the backs of the large flat screens in the conference rooms or media center. He would have wound each loose cord himself because I saw him unconciously do it once. And he very much understands that Social Media specialist like to link & log-in via wireless routers to big monitors so each meeting-room is now equipped to do so.

I think another stamp that George has put on the Hotel Felix is his love of art, which I really appreciate. (Plug: I’m room-mates with the Art Gallery Owner of Curly Tale Fine Art; close to the Hotel.) The very first thing George pointed out to me in the lobby was the Earth, Wind and Fire Element: which were the wall of precision-placed logs, blown glass hanging orbs, and tre-chic fire place. Everyone will notice “Loren the Doorman.” He’s the bright yellow and red sculpture of a happy hearty-sized doorman ready to hail your Chicago cab for you. George seems to be the art adviser and curator for the Hotel’s acquisitions and everyone gets to appreciate.
The staff seems genuinely happy and handsome. And I couldn't go on about the gym and the Spa, of which I have only toured but not used myself. But I can tell you that the Spa is run by ASHA, an Aveda lifestyle salon spa, so I know the staff is trained and professional and their prices are just the same as their downtown salon. (http://tinyurl.com/27y2gbl)

I’ll let you book your next room at Hotel Felix yourself. You’ll love my Chicago neighborhood and cherished neighbor just as much as I do. The spirit and extra effort in which it took to make a green hotel in Chicago is also put into the details such as no VOC paints, and non-toxic cleaners used for a healthy environment that has been beautifully designed and is also a pleasure to rave about. http://www.hotelfelixchicago.com/

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